Tipping the balance

I make a good example of an Introvert. The textbook definition is something like "A person who tends to shrink from social contacts and to become preoccupied with their own thoughts". Half of the definition implies "self-involved"; this does not necessarily mean egotistic however. The other half implies "alone" but lets not get into that now.

A snippet of the conversation I had today with a person I knew:

Me: ..you know you do not honestly deserve this. Feels wrong.

X: But everyone else is doing so! Why not me? And how is it wrong?

Me: I don't know...this is one step behind bribery.

X: So? I'm not working for the ACB!

Me: ACB?? That is not the point. By the way, all the people who think bribery is wrong are not in ACB.

X: OK look, if I was in a government office I would not shy away from cashing in! [with a big grin]

This is not the first person I have come across, to have approved of something like this. This is what is troubling me. A lot!

Maybe my mind is a closed one. I have been watching Anniyan and Indian and movies like that and helped me build my "ethics". This is where my elaborate introvert definition comes into picture. I'm so self-involved that I have been living in my own little world. In this little world, the people who are corrupt live in a land far, far away. But it so happens that, in the real world, these people actually live around me and they are the very same ones I see everyday; almost everyone - from the newspaper guy to the highly respected uncle in the family. There might be a few others in the family too! And some young ones who are in the process of getting corrupt right now. I cannot be sure of my friends either. All this I have realized only now!

Money is good. It feeds us, provides us with comforts and earns respect in the society. But money is good only to a certain extent. This extent varies with each person. Beyond this extent, it brings out a whole new colour in us.

But whatever is your extent, this is wrong! I don't care how otherwise a good person you are or how much you have suffered because your classmate's dad was rich and not yours, you just can't do this! I know you love cars and you told me you would kill for a good bike; but I thought it was just an expression! Murder is only two steps ahead of bribery, isn't it? That is was Vikram says in that movie anyway. And I think he is right. I mean you start treading on a path with ankle deep mud, you would not mind knee deep dirt, would you?

The only reason why I am saying all this here is... I also happen to be a coward. [Defn: Lacking courage; ignobly timid and faint-hearted]. This is a very mild, slow platform. I'm allowed to say anything here. Outside, in the real world, I cannot say all this and I can never stand my ground.

Also, I am not claiming that I am completely honest or that I followed rules all my life or that I never did anything wrong. It's my opinion. An opinion that surfaced today because I had this conversation. I will probably forget all this in a day. But right now I am a little agitated.

I just hope I will still feel the same way all the time. Especially if I'm in a position where I have the chance to say no.