Ghosts

Hi AR...


They made us believe that it is OUR life and that we can shape it as we like. And then they taught us about ‘destiny’ and how our life isn’t in our hands after all! Our paths are all laid out even before we decide to choose. Even before we are aware of them perhaps!

Our paths crossed for a brief amount of time.  I’m happy and proud to have known you, however briefly. You are simple, not so simple, honest, caring, hardworking and strong; you are intelligent, generous, sweet and giving. I thank you with all my heart for being one of the most important people in my life. You were one of the precious few I could talk to without holding back. You have changed the way I perceive things and people and my own life!

All of this may sound too smarmy and insincere, given the fact that I’m writing a “dead” letter to a person I have to refer to as a “ghost from the past”. But all of it is still true; you only have my word for it and nothing else! Yes, I know... If a person is important we would try to hold on to them, come what may. When we have differences, we ought to fight it out and get it over with. That’s the ideal or rather normal way of dealing things. But… I can’t do that. I can’t fight. I’m simply incapable of that. Not because I’m a very peace-loving person, I simply don’t like the after taste of a fight. Instead, I take the more unpleasant yet easier shortcut: I quit.

That is precisely what happened with us. I quit. Because I wanted to have only a good memory and none other.

When you asked me why, I didn’t have an answer. No, that’s a lie. I had the answer, but I didn’t have the guts to say it out loud. I could’ve just stopped being an idiot and be ‘normal’. But I didn’t. Not even when I saw the kind of hurt in your eyes that made me wish I’d die of shame. Not even when I saw you break into tears!

However stupid it may sound, this is my answer. At some point, I have realised that we are two very different people with two very different paths laid out before us. We couldn’t be the “best friends” that I hoped we would. That realisation made me want to run away and hide somewhere safer; somewhere where I know for sure that I won’t ever have to come to the “parting of ways”. That is what I did. I said my goodbye before it is time to say it. It isn’t the most sensible thing to do but I did it anyway. I just had to quit when it is still good. I can’t bear to wait for the good thing we had to gradually fade into nothingness. I’d rather wrench myself away abruptly and keep the memories intact than wait until they turn bitter.

With some people, you just can’t keep it ‘simple’. You were one of them.

Did all of this leave me with a peaceful mind? Well, no! But here is my consolation to appease my restless conscience – for the harsh bit in the story, I have only ME to blame; and… I have an untarnished, splendid memory of YOU! That’s all I ever wanted!!

Wherever you are, I'll always hope for your best.

Sincerely yours,

Mike Testing

Found this site http://lekhini.org/ and it is delightful! Testing it! :-D

గిరీశం: నేను మాత్రం చదవలేకనా. అంతకన్నా గళగ్రాహిగా చదువుతాను. లెక్చర్లిచ్చే పండితుణ్ణి నాకిది పేలపిండి కాదు; అయితే రాసిన వాడి తెలివికి సంతోషిస్తున్నాను. యిది అరటి పండు విప్పినట్టు తర్జుమాచేసి దాఖలు చెయ్యమని శలవా? 

అగ్ని: అంతకంటేనా! (తనలో) డబ్బు ఖర్చు లేకుండా వీడి చేత కగితమ్ముక్కలన్నీ తర్జుమా చేయించేస్తాను. 

గిరీశం: యింకా యింగ్లీషు కాయితాలు యేవున్నా నామీద పారెయ్యండి, తర్జుమా చేసి పెడతాను.

అగ్ని: అట్లాగే. 

వెంకమ్మ: మా అబ్బాయీ  మీరూ  ఒక్క పర్యాయం యింగ్లీషు మట్లాడండి బాబు

గిరీశం: అట్లాగే నమ్మా.
My dear Venkatesam-
Twinkle! Twinkle! Little star,
How I wonder what you are!

వెంకటేశం: There is a white man in the tent. 

గిరీశం: The boy stood on the burning deck
Whence all but he had fled. 

వెంకటేశం: Upon the same base and on the same side of it the sides of trapezium are equal to one another. 

గిరీశం: Of man's disobedience and the fruit of that mango tree, sing, Venkatesa, my very good boy. 

వెంకటేశం: Nouns ending in f or fe change their f or fe into ves.

అగ్ని: యీ ఆడుతున్న మాటలకి అర్ద్హం యేవిషండి?

గిరీశం: యీశలవుల్లో యే ప్రకారం చదవాలో అదంతా మాట్లాడుతున్నావండీ.

Try and guess where this passage is from!

Fill in the blank!

What's that word that comes in that blank???

Also, what's the meaning of the last line?? (Maname maro...)

Sigh! Beeeyutiful song! <3 <3 <3

Rubbish

They say “blood will out”. And it does. You can’t help it. They also say nature and nurture make a man who he is. But I believe that “nurture” can only get you so far. It is only a very good makeup that, if required, conceals the nature within. At some point, that make-up must come off.  Try as you might, it’s hard to disguise your nature. And this “nature” is what you are made of – your brain, brawn and blood; your DNA! “Nurture” comes from your brought up, background, position, money, status or any other external qualifications. This probably decides whatever you become. But “Nature” is whatever you are and it is written on all of your genes; “Nature” decides you – you as a person, your personality, your very soul! A sad truth though –Nature or Nurture, you cannot do anything about it. You have to make the most out of what you are given with.

One wise man (Dumbledore) once said “It’s our choices that show what we truly are!” It is (partly) true. But even those choices are not unaffected by our nature, are they? I mean, if Harry wasn’t Lily and James’ son then maybe he wouldn’t have “chosen” the same things as he did now. If he were Snape’s son... er... Ok, not Snape, Voldemort! If he were Voldemort’s son, then I bet his choices would have oh so different! Even if he had been brought up in the same conditions! So nurture doesn’t really matter! Blood will out!!

I am really grateful that I have such great parents. Especially when I discover that I too have some of their very admirable qualities. BUT, I’m also one of those people who are terrified of turning into one of their parents. (Sounds awful, but the feeling is quite common, so it is legitimate. Stop making faces!)

I’m going to recite one of my dad’s favourite lectures  --- You see, there are four stages in a child’s psychological growth w.r.t its relationship with its parents.

1.  Child : I’m not ok, You are ok – A child with all its innocence considers its parents to be the most knowledgeable.
2. Adolescent : I’m not ok, You are not ok – The difficult age when the child starts having suspicions about the wisdom of its parents
3. Teenager : I’m ok, You are not ok – the difficult age (for the parents) when the child is at its rebellious best and is totally convinced that parents are ignorant and “old-fashioned”
4. Adult : I’m ok, You are ok – the final stage when child (or person rather) makes its peace with the ways of the world, understands the society as a whole, and identifies itself on par with its parents.

Hmmm... I’m not sure I got to number 4 yet. I keep going back and forth! I’m not sure why I told this four point thingy either. I had a point but I forgot!

Oh, here it is! So from stage 2 onward, you start recognising some of the flaws and defects in your parents. That is, from the age of ten or eleven. That is when we start to try and learn from their mistakes, however unconsciously. This continues until we are adults. This is the stage when we start being “mature” and try to erase those memories of the days when we were juvenile and delinquent. But I guess some part of us still lingers on that time of our childhood when our parents – practically our gods until then – have somehow become earthlings; normal people! Ok, I’m exaggerating a little but you get the drift!  So it is not really that bad that people feel this way, is it?

Anyway! The main reason for this babble is this. Today’s been weird. It’s mother’s day tomorrow and today I’m being very irritable towards her. All these days – for two years nonstop – I never once lost my temper on her. But today I did. Today of all days! It’s a bloody conspiracy against me! Yeah, the stars are conspiring against me! Maybe when their heavens are full, they incriminate people like this so that they can be pushed into hell. But why ME? It’s not like I’m top on the list of people going into heaven or anything! 

Ok, I don’t believe in mother’s day or any other “day” for that matter. But the timing is bad. Plus, I don’t feel good writing this but I had to get it out. And I can’t say just this, can I? That I’ve been a jerk to my mom all day?? I can’t post this thing now because everywhere else people are putting up these mushy quotes! And I’ll be the jerk! Unfair! Hence the psychology crap. It’s my way of convincing myself that I’m this rubbish because I may have inherited this kind of thinking from my great grandmother or something!

Anyway!

Double standards!!

X: Blah!

Y: Blah blah!

X: More blah... Btw how's G?

Y: She's fine.. whatever!

X: Something wrong?

Y: Nothing. Nothing is wrong. I wish I were born last century or something. At least I won't be feeling like an idiot.

X: (Giggle giggle and trying to keep a straight face) You are not an idiot. What happened anyway?

Y: I told you already.. Nothing happened! It's just...I should have been more careful. I was taking everyone for granted. Now I realize what an idiot I have been...being nice to everyone. You know, it is always the good guys that suffer all the time! ((Phone beeps.. SMS)).. Wait a sec.. (Types something into that phone) Girls have gone so bad these days. This girl I'm chatting with (Is that a grin?) .. she's my junior but she also talks with three more guys in my class. Three guys that I know of! God knows how many others are on her list! Hmph!

X: Oh.. I though that was G you were talking to all evening..?

Y: Nah.... She has to study. This is another one. New one. (Grins again!) She's cute and sweet and...and so innocent-looking! You'd never believe that she can be like that if you see her!

X: Like what??

Y: She is not good. She talks to like EVERYONE! Not just her.. All girls are like that these days. You can trust a guy these days...never a girl!

X: Hmmm... 

Y: Seriously! I'm not saying it because I'm a guy or something. Guys are really trustworthy. A girl will cheat you in a second! A guy can't do that.

X: Who cheated who now?

Y: No one.. But I'm telling you that's how things are these days. Take this girl for example. She is playing with so many people's feelings. Is this why her parents send her to college? Shame! (Pretty steamed now) I bet she'd dump all of them the minute she is out of this college. I mean does she even have a heart? When did girls become like this? There is no such thing as fidelity anymore! The minute you turn your back, she'd start talking with someone else. Sometimes your own friend. I cannot ––

X: (Breaking in..) Yeah I'll vouch for that. I cannot see any "fidelity" now..here I mean!

Y: Exactly! Girls have–– Wait a minute! What do you mean 'here'??

X: Um.. OK wait. Maybe I need some clarification. What do you mean fidelity?

Y: You know... Commitment.. Faithfulness! 

X: But she is only talking right. Only friends, nothing serious types, right?

Y: Yeah....but still.... OK leave her. My point is a guy can NEVER do that. Girls are manipulative bitc..um sorry!

X: Ahem! A guy can never do that?! What is it that you are doing then? Your G has turned her back and you are "talking" to someone else! 

Y: Come on, you know I don't mean anything bad. Perfectly good intentions here! I talk freely with people that's all. I'm committed to one person, you know that! I know so many guys like me. They are all very good too! They are sociable but they don't have any bad intentions. They talk and maybe flirt with other girls a little bit but they are committed 100% to the one they are serious about. 

X: (Almost choking... OK deep breath!) But isn't she doing the exact same thing? That junior girl??

Y: No...(Thinking.. a little stumped looking).. but... 

X: She might be 100% committed to someone too! But she is flirting with others... Just like how the others - you guys- are flirting back with her. Is it not?

Y: Yes but she is a g–– Um.. I mean... (Smiling very strained-ly) Yeah you are right! (Now smiling through teeth. Urgh.. Horrible grimace!) Yeah... It's the same thing! Okay.. Gotta go now.. Bye!

I know a defeat when I see one and this is not a defeat. That guy practically ran from there. Why? Not because his opinion or views have changed. Because I was elder to him and so he did not want to fight back. He is being polite! $#%#@#!!!

And he is just the tip of the iceberg! They are so many "nice guys" like him out there. No no wait, good guys! I better learn the standard social norms to survive the "nice guys". So Lesson 1 - It is OK for a guy to be "Sociable" (read flirt) but not for a girl. (If she is "sociable" she'd be called a bitch apparently!)

Mmmmm...!

"I've got loads of photos of people I don’t really like, so why not take one of something I really love?" -- Rebecca Bloomwood (Shopoholic Series)

Not just an idiot's box anymore!

Maddela Cheruvu Suri a.k.a Suri got murdered yesterday. It made the front pages in all the telugu newspapers. The news channels are breathless trying to cram in every last bit of information on this story and repeat it all day long. There are bandhs and agitations going on!

Before I get intothat there is another story.

About a year ago, Dr. YSR died and you, I and almost everybody knows the rest of the story. This morning when I saw the paper and saw the TV that Dr. YSR's story seemed to have a different angle to me - YSR died and a year later, the party has split and his son is planning to start on his own**. How did that happen? Simple really. YSR had died in a very unfortunate plane crash. There was a three day long tension and suspense and tragedy on all the channels and (hence) all over the state. Three whole days! Continuously! This has sort of created a mass hysteria. And this mass hysteria led to some very unfortunate deaths. People viewing these channels, have died of a heartbreak! (At least I'd like to think so. I mean, whoever heard of person actually dying of a broken heart? There are far more devastating tragedies and people still managed to live!!) Don’t believe in my mass hysteria theory? I got a real example! One of my uncles is a hard core TDP fan. When they said YSR's plane went missing, he was one of those few who were happy and hoped they wouldn't find it. But in those two days, he cried once and cursed Chandrababu Naidu. I was sure he'll take down the TDP flag in his porch and put a Congress flag instead. If a passionate TDP lover could become like that just by watching TV, what chance would a weak, old Congress fan stand? So they had to have "heartbreaks" and die!**

The number of these deaths rose substantially in a couple of days. Few months down the line, the son, YS Jagan, has started this Odarpu yatra to meet with the families of the deceased. This has led to a conflict in the national party which finally led to a split and Jagan resigning from the party altogether.

**I truly can understand what people went through back then. I’m NOT making fun. I do not mean any disrespect to anyone!

And now this.

You might be thinking this Suri must have been a very important person. Maybe he is, I don't know. Actually, I don't want to know. In spite of the media frenzy, all I see in this news story is that Suri got shot in his head five times by his follower/friend. Also, the "victim" Suri has been in the news and papers for quite some time, because he was also involved in the murder of a political um..leader, Paritala Ravi, and has been in jail for the same. He got released recently and has also announced that he is no more interested in the literally deadly game "faction". Recently a movie has been made based on their story. And there's a sequel to that movie too (Actor Surya played his role in Raktacharitra). In short, a faction-ist died; sadly, after renouncing his ways publicly.

Again, is he really that important in AP politics? It is not rhetoric or even a sarcastic question, I really want to know! Because to me right now, he has inspired a movie (in a good way) and that's it! Other than that, I don't see anything. He is just another person. (Ok not really normal – he has been a convicted murderer and all, but still.) There were three pages in the newspapers filled with the same story, the news anchor wouldn't shut up about him (they're now showing an old interview of his!) and people are getting emotional talking about it! All just because it makes an interesting story. Oh please do correct me if I'm wrong!
It feels like a Déjà vu to me. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone from the family starts a new party or something.

So why am I blogging about this?

I really don't care about the "world". But sometimes the stupid world rubs my face in its atrocities until I notice and when I do notice, I go nuts. This is my way of trying to get me back to my normal state.

And why am I blogging about this?

The poorest, saddest of all are the ones like me - people who don't take sides, and just believe whatever the news anchor says; people who cannot and will not have an opinion of their own; people who are easily manipulated, even by a fictitious character; people that form the “crowd” of the country.

Not crowd, herd! We are the goats that blindly follow the tail of another goat. We’re not even the goats in the front of the herd, the ones in the middle.

We, the common man a.k.a the herd-forming half blind goat of India!

And our one eye is the TV, a.k.a the idiot’s box!!