Normally I'm supposed to be worried, nervous may be a little scared even. None of them as of now, thank you very much! I am confident that I can hold this "calm" for quite sometime. Hopefully I will. But I sure am irritated. Very much.
The thing is I'm not sure anymore that this "calmness" is the the result of me being strong. Maybe I'm just don't have enough emotion. And this definitely is not good. I am either living in denial or I am completely or I just don't care enough. All the three sound so terrible.
Cribbing again. If something goes wrong, I immediately put the blame on someone or something else. This time I cannot even do that. Which why I'm so frustrated.
I can only wish that everything would go well.
It is good to be strong. But the effort it takes, voluntary or involuntary, is terrifying.
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